As Thanksgiving approaches, I have been reflecting on all the things God has done in my life recently. If I am being honest, I had one of the lowest months of my life October through the beginning of November. I have never felt more alone and empty than I did this past month. I eventually cried out to God to save me from the pit that I was in. I was yelling and screaming for him to come rescue me, and man did He provide.
Over the past month, I lost what I hold to most in life, the reason for this blog, my joy in Christ. I lost sight of my calling and I lost the sense of community and family. The fear that I would never finish support raising started to creep in and take hold of my thoughts to create more anxiety than I have ever felt before. I felt so defeated. After spending my normal time in scripture one morning I was reminded of Psalm 121:
“I lift up my eyes to the mountains— where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth. He will not let your foot slip— he who watches over you will not slumber; indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The Lord watches over you— the Lord is your shade at your right hand; the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night. The Lord will keep you from all harm— he will watch over your life; the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.”
This passage moved me to tears! I hadn’t taken the time to ask God for any help through the darkness I was in. So I physically got on my knees and wept harder than I ever have before. I cried out to Him to “restore unto me the joy of my salvation and grant me a willing spirit to sustain me.” This was the first time in a long time that I was real with God and completely vulnerable. I NEEDED Him to bring me the joy I had lost through contentment in all circumstances. He has provided that and so much more since that day two weeks ago.
I cannot tell you how important it is to take time to sit at the feet of our Savior every day! My joy has been restored, but more importantly I have shifted my focus back to His will for me. I love the routine I have now, my soul CRAVES the time I spend with my Lord. I am refreshed and and overjoyed every morning. But what I love most is the drive it gives me and the focus for my day. I go into my schedule with His will in mind. I want nothing more than to bring Him all the glory and honor and I can think of no better way than asking him to take the wheel for each day.
Along with this passage I was reminded of the simplicity of the gospel, the ultimate act of love given freely by Christ. I am overflowing with thankfulness and gratitude for the payment of my sins on a wooden cross. Someone I know once said, “we will never outgrow the gospel”. This statement is so true! I urge you to take time and be reminded of where God has brought you from, how you got here, and sit in the presence of his infinite love for you. Do this whenever you can, as often as you can. I can tell you from experience now that I have never felt so much joy in my life because of the decision to do this regularly!
So on this night, I am thankful for God’s provision in my life. His ability to provide me with overflowing joy, his ability to provide me with new ministry team partners, his ability to provide me with an incredible community and family, even his ability to provide the things I don’t ask for. HE IS ABLE, we just have to ask.